:(

The last few days i've felt like crap, i'm ok in the morning but by the evening I feel so down. I used to always wake up around 6am in the morning to let the dog out, feed him and whatever. I miss it already. Today we buried my the lucky near the palm trees after we brought him home. The vet said his chance of improving with adding more steroids was slim, but its always 'what if'. I wish that we had given him at least a day or two over the weekend and looked after him to see if he would of got a bit better. Its so sad because otherwise he was fairly healthy for his age. Very alert and had a good appetite. Can't go back now and I feel so sad. For two nights I woke up around 3am crying. Is this stupid? I've never cried or felt sad when human family members have died like grandparents. I mean I cared, sure, but lucky felt more close. Is that bad? Or was I just too young to understand what death is when I was younger.



He is buried about where he was there in that picture. I have no idea how i'm going to get over it. As I type this it feels like my throat is just closing up. I have work at 5pm and maybe it will get my mind off it, so maybe I should go in. I'm 22, lucky was 19... hes always been around and it feels like no dog can EVER replace him.

When I seen him as we burid him just a few hours ago, he was cold, lifeless and hard. At first it was comforting that we brought him home and buried him, I felt a bit better. But now I feel sad again.

I know the proceedure would have been quick, but what if we gave him just another few more days. I don't know, maybe its being selfish, but in a lot of ways he seemed so alive and looked like he had many more weeks or months left in him.

This makes me so much more angry about death. Why the hell do people accept it?

Now i'm left with a few photographs, my memories, a video tape and thats is. With each day I feel my memory of him will fade.

Maybe in time I will get another dog and love it just as much.