Day 229

Thoughts: Are you struggling? Are you going for what you want, but feeling like something is road-blocking the way? Are you finding yourself "not" doing some of the things you know you should be doing?

You may be a victim of sabotage - self-sabotage.

Here are 4 examples of when I self sabotage.

In my experience of life I am aware I self sabotage. There are also times that I am not aware I am self sabotaging. I am unconscious to it, I have ingrained it so deep into my being, since born on earth that self sabotage comes naturally. The unnatural becomes natural. This is the human condition.

1. I am present to it when I know I am focusing on what is not working, not right or missing in my life.

This only attracts more of the things I don’t want.

To pull my self out of this I write down "What's going right?" or "What IS working?" When I begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well, even acknowledging a friend and then I start to attract more of what is working!

What is working? The garden growing outside, The Earth Diet, the cleanse I am on, marriage, love, health, working in the film industry, the sun is shining :), my juicer, the beautiful apartment I live in, birds outside all day chirping, various projects I am working on, relationships, exercise, fitness, technologies I am surrounded with, standing on my head for 4 minutes, dancing, stretching, moving my body, my integrity.

2. I am present to self sabotage when I am stuck in fear, when I worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen.

Sometimes I may be thinking about my fears so much that I am are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur.

To pull myself out of this I focus on the present. I refresh myself with quantum physics and remember that this is all my creation, I can't control or predict the future or other people's behaviors. All I can do is control my own, right here, right now.

I ask myself "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then, I let go and know that rarely do the scenarios I create in our heads occur - and what a relief that can be hehe. I fully accept the present moment for what it is.

3. I am present to self sabotage when I have a feeling of no value.

I forget all my accomplishments and lack pride in who I am, I become selfish and ungrateful and think I am useless and that I have failed (When I am not stuck in self sabotage I realize 'I' cannot fail, only my performance of something can fail, and failing is not good or bad, right or wrong). I obsess about the past or my lack of success, as I have forget what I have, and I get stuck in noticing how much I lack as a person. I often criticize myself, I make myself feel worse by negative thoughts, over eating or not doing something I had planned to do.

I pull myself out of this by choosing to notice what I do that is good and the things I can be proud of, no matter how small they may seem. I think of everything and everyone I can be grateful for. This floods my body with a different energy frequency, one of appreciation, love and gratitude instead of hate, sabotage and judgment. When I hear my mind chattering about what I haven't done right or well, I turn down the volume and turn up the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who I am and how I am value to the world.

If you can relate to this too, acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and accept the compliments others give you.

Today I did these well:
1. Wrote this blog
2. Did research for my next film role
3. Woke up early
4. Uploaded new recipes to my website to share with people
5. Learned a monologue for a audition on Tuesday

4. I am present to self sabotage when I compare myself to others.

When I am stuck in sabotage I compare myself to others and then feel badly when compared to them. I compare myself to other people and how they are better than me, happier, richer, healthier, more successful. I realize comparison doesn't motivate me to do more or be better, instead it makes me feel like I'll never be good enough and I am not right now.

To pull myself out of it I remind my self that I am whole, perfect and complete at every moment - I have nowhere to go and nothing to be and nothing to gain before I can be complete.

If you can relate to this type of sabotage, write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words about your greatness (use a thesaurus if you need). Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.

You are not bragging or boasting about yourself when you write these things, you are acknowledging yourself. When you can truly acknowledge, love and nurture yourself, then only can you for others. If you can see your greatness, you will then recognize it in others.

My 5 qualities
1. Courageous
2. Loving
3. Lovable
4. Unstoppable
5. Authentic

What I value in life most is presence - that is available to me at all times. If I am present then I have everything, love, career, health, wealth, relationships, adventure, joy.

25 adjectives that describe me are: loving, lovable, passionate, hard working, light, peaceful, playful, energetic, open, intense, awake, grateful, deep, vivid, alive, connected, honest, extraordinary, beautiful, calm, powerful, healthy, bold, audacious, adventurous, gentle, humble and powerful.

As I write all this I realize I can be all this and opposite. I am loving and hateful, I am lovable and judgmental, I am passionate and lazy, I am hard working and stagnant, I am light and darkness, I am peaceful and excessive, I am open and closed, I am awake and asleep, I am ungrateful and grateful, I am deep and shallow, I am vivid and dead, alive and unconscious, connected and disconnected, honest and a liar, extraordinary and ordinary, beautiful and hideous, calm and flustered, powerful and bitter, healthy and unhealthy, bold and weak, audacious and timid, adventurous and reckless, gentle and hazardous, humble and cynical, powerful and afraid .

Knowing I can be all of these, I get to choose at each moment what I am. What do I choose now? I tend to vibrate more towards the feeling of light, joy, peace, grace and ease, and life does flow like this when I am in a state of presence and remembering who I am. Even after writing those adjective words about myself, there is an energy shift in my body - I am experiencing a lightness and sense of everything is always ok.

Part 5,6 and 7 of Self-Sabotage will be in tomorrows blog!

Visit: www.theearthdiet.org - I released 14 new recipes today including 100% Strawberry Nut Pie! Delicious, healthy, creamy and sweet!

Challenges: Self-sabotage! When I am stuck in sabotage, I am disconnected from my self, life, love, from all things!

Triumphs: I really am free. I always have the opportunity to choose.

What I Ate Today:

Food fest 1: Day 4 out of 7 on the master cleanse - water, cayene pepper, the juice of lemon and maple syrup. The attachments I have to things are becoming so clear. I am realizing that when I do eat - I more often than not eat just for the sake of eating, or because I think I should, or because it's healthy I should just eat it. I am seeing that I eat far too much from what my body requires for survival and that I am a consuming machine! I am surprisingly not hungry, and I am aware of my mind chit chattering, bored and wanting to eat. Eating out of boredom and not because it needs to.

Exercise: A nice chill bike ride to the beach with my husband to watch the sun set and be in a state of love :) I stretched my body out and in, in so many ways, it's my favourite stretchy type: the type that has no rules or pre organized stretching resume. You choose one part of your body to stretch in any which way and then feel what part of your body would next be most enjoyable ( in-joy-able) to stretch mmm it's a divine dessert for the body :) Well anything is like dessert to me on the cleanse! Truly, brushing my teeth, a jab of spiceness from the cayene pepper, clinkys of lemon parts falling into my mix! Truly enjoying the simplness. ;)

136 days to go!!!